YO YOOOO!!! After not blogging for
a couple of years, I have finally made my return. I will try to be more dedicated to blogging
everyday, but we’ll see how that goes.
Just like when I was first blogging, I’ll be talking about whatever I
feel like talking about. I felt that
this first blog would only make sense if I talk about my favorite topic…ME!
(NOTE: that was a joke, I’m really not my favorite topic) So let me tell you about some of the
struggles that have been going on in m own mind and the conflicts I’ve been
having internally between Chris Beavers and Write Jus.
Anyone that has read my previous
blogs, you would know that I’ve been going to church since 2010 and I got
baptized on October 2010. Since then, I
have tried to make changes in my life in terms of the way I think and the way
that I act. However, when it comes to me
as an artist I see myself getting in this comfort zone that kinda goes against
everything that the man in me is trying to change. My rhymes are hardcore, explicit, vulgar, and
yet clever. At the same time, when I
post a new song on the internet, a lot of times I try to hide my music from
people that I got to church with because I don’t want them to think differently
of me. Now I do know that the only judgment
that should matter to me is God’s and God’s only, however sometimes I feel like
Write Jus the artist prevents Chris the man from growing to his fullest
potential. So I ask my self on a regular:
What should I do? Should I just quit
rapping? Should I change my style? Should I continue to do my thing and just see
what happens? As of now, I continue to
do me….and continue to question myself in the process.
The ironic thing about the
situation is that when you hear the name “Write Jus”, you instantly think of
the word “righteous”. Righteous is
defined as “morally right or justifiable; virtuous”, yet that’s not any where
near how my music sounds, or the reason why I came of with the name in the
first place. The name Write Jus (or
“write just”) simply implies that I “write just” what I’m feeling…nothing more,
nothing less. Also, the word righteous
has a second definition meaning “something very good or excellent”. Therefore, as I’m writing just what I’m
thinking about, I’m making sure I am writing with excellence (to my own
standard, which I guess doesn’t mean too much huh? *shurgs*). I can be one day writing about can be
anything from love, to death, and the next day I can be talking about how much
of an a**hole I am on the microphone. I
may talk about God in one song, then in the next song I will talk about all of
the demons that I’m still struggling with.
As I am typing this blog, I tell my
production/rap partner Oscar (aka Skillvorkian) about the topic of my blog and
what has been going on my mind. He told
me that if everything was perfect for me, I still wouldn’t be satisfied. He says that I would be predictable as an
artist and I wouldn’t be happy with that.
Is there a way that I could adjust to that? Could my creativity be able
to overcome my transformation if I was to make a change? If I were to change my style, would my fans
still ride with me? Do I wanna be one of those artists that accept an award and
first thank God for letting me create music that I wouldn’t even want him to
hear? I’ve thought about being a gospel rapper, but sometimes I think that I
wouldn’t be satisfied with that route either.
How come my satisfaction can’t be to just make music that I know my God
would appreciate so I can give HIM the glory THROUGH my music? Once again, more questioning towards myself
that seems to keep me in an everlasting cycle of confusion. I can only wonder how many other artist can
relate to this feeling. Then again, I know people in general go through this
struggle on a day-to-day basis. I’m
nobody special in that sense, I’m just one of the many.
As of now, Chris will continue to
go to church and better himself as a man while Write jus will continue to write
and evolve as an artist. I don’t know
what will eventually happen, but whatever does happen I can only hope that God
gives me the clarity to see what it is that I’m supposed to do. I will FINALLY drop my album, and it will
sound exactly how I would expect it to sound as of right now. I will continue to do shows in which I
proceed to stick my middle finger at some innocent fan that happens to have his
camera phone out and allow him to capture the inappropriate moment that I just
provided. Maybe one day I will quit
referring to myself as two different people and quit insinuating that I have
some type of mental illness. Then again,
I’m a psych major, so what do I know? Haha!
Thanks for reading. Make sure that you subscribe to the blog if
you wish to stay informed on any news from me, or views that I may have on
whatever the world has brought to my attention.
Oh, and GOOD JOB RAVENS!!!
(Skillvorkian says this blog is too long… f**k him! LOL)
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