Merry Chris(tmas)

YO YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! What up world.  If yal are reading this blog, then that means that our freakin' cable is FINALLY back on.  Our phone, cable, and internet has been cut off since 11 am Wednesday!!!  Starting to hate comcast right about now.  Anyways, on to the blog...

 

Let me start off by saying... I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!  I ain't been myself for a while now, but I'm finally outta that mental slump.  I'm happy, focused, and ready for WORLD DOMINATION (I won't stop until that mission is complete).  On Sunday, December 19th, all the craziness that I was going through was removed from my brain thanks to God and my church.  With me being focused now, that means trouble for all you "so called rappers" out there, haha.  One thing that I had to understand is that sometimes you just can't put all of your problems on yourself.  For years now I've always tried to solve my own problems because when I was in need of help in the past, nobody was there for me.  I gotten used to being the only one there for myself.  But things had just gotten to deep for me and I couldn't handle everything myself, so I gave it all to God.  He took all of my problems, worries, troubles, ect. and threw that crap in the trash for me.  I've been feeling great ever since (finally).

 

So now I'm going into the new year with a fresh new mind.  Not only that, but I'm highly motivated in terms of getting back into school and putting CMG on the map.  My blogs will probably be a lot better now too... cause I really never meant to be this personal on my blog.  There's a lot of other things that I could of talked about, or just gave my opinions about instead.  I guess I can do whatever I really want to with the blog though, so oh well.  It's all good though, it's not like many people are actually reading this thing anyways, haha. And with that being said, I'm gonna wrap this thing up.  I might blog again later, we'll see.  Until, yal B-E-Z!  PEEEEEEEEEEEEEACE!

 

 

I.W.R.I.T.E. (I Will Remain Invincible Throughout Everything)

Psychology Philosophy (and some other stuff)

WHAT UP WORLD!!!! First off, I'm doing a 2 for 1 blog tonight.  The first one was the song I just posted called "Tomorrow".  It MIGHT go on the Butterfly DEfect album, don't know yet (and yes, I made a beat for it too).  It's only one verse but it's pretty nice.  The next one will be about the COMPASS TEST.  That starts... NOW!

So my results of the COMPASS test were the following:
Math score - 36 (yuck)... MATH 095
Standard reading score - 80... No reading course required
Standard writing score - 96... ENGLISH 101


So yeah, I clearly suck in math.  Oh well.  Hey, did my font change?  Damn copy & paste!!!  


Anyways...
(about to fix that right now)


So now I gotta go back to register after my FAFSA is cleared.  I swear, I felt like I was in a giant high school when I was in there.  I CAN'T be that damn old, haha.  This is gonna be a new experience for me, but I'm ready for it.  Hell, I've been doing other people's work for them lately, so I got a heads up I guess.  Look at that standard writing score... 96!!!!  YEAAAAAAAAAH!!!!  Can't say I don't know about writing, haha.  But yeah, 2011 is gonna be one heck of a year... that's a promise.


In other news, Deacon Alston was trying his hardest to get me to join the choir this past Wednesday.  Ya know, I think I'mma do it!  I got a lot going for me this up coming year, I might as well go all out.  It's a great way to praise my Lord... but too bad I can't really sing, lol.  I think I don't sound too bad, but I guess we'll let everyone else be the judge of that.

 I know I'm leaving out some other important things that has happened to me recently, but some things are just TOO personal to put in a public blog.  Trust me, I'll post it... just not now, and not directly.  Yal take it easy tonight.  I'm out... PEEEEEEEEACE!!!

Tomorrow... (another one verse song)

I remember the story like it was yesterday/ I grew up knowing this shorty since the second grade/ back when girls wasn’t cuties, they were walking with cooties/ she was my best friend, you knew her, you knew me/ protected her from the bullies that tried to steal her lunch/ and other girls tryin’ to fight her, she couldn’t throw a punch/ people had a hunch we’d get closer as time went/ but we were young, having fun, enjoying the time spent/ together… I never looked at her as a potential lover/ yeah I really love her but I was more like an older brother/ In high school we’d act a fool, always skippin’ class/ she’d grab my hand, I’d occasionally look at shorty’s a**/ feeling’ hard as a rock… she had a nigga trippin’/ plus I was committed to another, I can’t be slippin’/ She told me she hated my girl and she would beat her a**/ but she can’t fight so I laughed, so cute when’s she get mad/ I remember when her parents split, she couldn’t cope/ she ran to me in tears, I grabbed her and I held her close/ It was then I realized my feelings gotten stronger/ I had to tell her soon, I felt I couldn’t wait much longer…/ after we graduated things started to change/ we became a couple, but things started getting strange/ we argued more, she claimed I was always to blame/ I think her father leaving really affected her brain/ I was in love with this girl, I showed it every day/ occasionally she’d show it back, just in a different way/ I used sex to convince me that we would make it.../ I tried to put my love inside a body that filled with hatred/ that was supposed to be sacred.../ but in hindsight, it never felt right, could of cried on some nights/ but despite, I hoped to put a ring on it/ but a nigga broke and I ain’t have a thing on it/ by now we barely speak to each other/ At once she was my best friend, now she feels more like my distant lover/ then that day came, she told me what was in her heart/ she said she loved me but we had started to grow apart/ she took fault, claiming she was in need of soul searching/ and what she had to tell me next might leave my soul hurting/ she then admitted to cheating.../ apologizing while I’m weeping.... my heart was weakened cause this b**ch was creapin'/ she couldn’t look me in my eyes when she talked/ she said she’d never hurt me again, and then she walked.../ gone forever, left my soul cold and hollow/ dwelling on memories, I’m drowning in my sorrow/ I let my heart lead the way, I decided to follow/ but even yesterday couldn’t prepare me for tomorrow…

Can't make EVERYBODY happy...

What up world?  Today has been an interesting (and cold) day.  I guess I'll have to try to make this blog quick cause my battery is low on the laptop and due to laziness, I'm NOT about to go get the charger (that might not be true though).

I had a good day at church today.  Made a new buddy today named Camille (I won't get into that though, but WOW!!!  LOL).  As I was getting ready to leave, my Pastor asked if I could stay and go to the new member's class from 1-4.  I said yeah, even though I had already taken the class before.  He knew that I haven't been in my right mind lately, so of course he knew what he was doing when he asked me to stay.  Long story short... he wanted me to hear some more of the bible's words before I left.  It actually helped a lot, to the point that I knew what I had to do when I got home.

(Stops to go get the battery charger...lol)

Well, when I got home I knew there was someone I had to talk to.  There were a few things that I kinda had to get off my chest.  I won't go into details, but there was something that was going on that I wanted to be changed.  I don't think it went over too well with that other person, and honestly I feel bad about it.  I just knew that I had to do what was best for me and hope that everything could work out.  This is one of those time when I normally would say "life sucks sometimes", but if I was to say that then that means I haven't learned anything.  So this is one of those things that I'm just gonna have to pray about, and with the help of the Lord I'll get passed it.  I told my brother earlier today that in life you can't fear delivering the truth, even when you know that it might not go well with others.  You just gotta be respectful to their feelings and do what you feel is best.  No matter how often you do that, EVENTUALLY someone will not like what you had to say... but that's just all a part of life.  This was truly a life experience for me and I really don't know what to expect in the future, but at least for now I feel (somewhat) better.

And that was step 1. I got a few more things to take care of...

I'm about to finish watching this super long Titanic movie and maybe do some writing tonight.  Yal B-E-Z.  PEEEEEEEEEACE!!!

What's been going on with me...

What up world!  Out of all the times I could of picked to blog, I blogged when I have a headache.  Oh well, I guess I'll try anyways.  So here I go...

First off, me and my sister haven't really talked since our initial conversation.  I have no idea what's going on in her mind, but I just hope that me and her can establish a great brother/sister relationship.  I'm still hoping for the best, but who knows what's gonna happen.  She's constantly stayed on my mind (with a few other things) and in all honesty I just wanna see her.  I can tell she's goofy... just like me.  I think we'll end up having a lot in common.  I gave her my number, hopefully one day she'll call me.

Yesterday I went to Prairie State College to take my COMPASS test.  MAAAAAAN... I studied for the math part and there was barely any math in that damn test!  I feel like I should whoop somebody's a** just for making them damn practices tests longer than the actual test itself.  Now I gotta go back to the school on the 14th to see how well I did and I guess what classes I should be taking.  I'm sure that the blog name for that day will be something like... "Idiocy Philosophy"(if I did bad) or "Psychology Philosophy" (if I did good).  I think I did good on the essay, but then again... what the hell do I know? Hahaha, I guess I gotta just wait and see.  Speaking of seeing... I saw A LOT of booty up there!  Everywhere I turned, there was a big booty!  Real talk though, I was only focused on one person that day (and she knows who she is *wink*).

And last but not least, MUSIC UPDATE!  Well, I'm officially starting on the Lyricons mixtape.  First track will be called "Who Gonna Stop Me" Feat. Write Jus, Big X, Ringo, and Kemo Therapy.  We gonna be spittin' over this Sheek Louch beat off his new album.  I might push this mixtape before my album to try to spark an extra buzz.  I also gotta finish recording some other new tracks.  I got some stuff with Decisive, Skillvorkian, and Phillip Davis.  I think I don't know what the mixtape is gonna be called yet, but you guys will be the first to know when I figure it out.  There's a lot of stuff I feel that I gotta put down cause it's way past due for me.  Not saying I'm gonna stray away from CMG, cause everything will benefit the squad as well.   I actually supposed to be in Indiana right now, my Skillvorkian is taking his time I guess (UGH!).  I will say this, having Pro Tools 9 on this laptop is WONDERFUL!  It's a big help for me cause I HATE bringing that damn Mbox 2 everywhere with me.  So, YAY ME!  (HAHAHA... that was so gay! I know).

Before I go, I think the trilogy in the "Love" series is gonna end up having another chapter to it.  Actually, I'm sure it will.  I didn't even wanna touch up on that now, but I will have to soon.  But on that note, I'm outta here.  Let me try to get rid of the headache.  Yal B-E-Z!  PEEEEEEEEEACE!!!!

Christia

Hey world!  You would think that I'm one hell of a lazy guy since I'm not blogging as often as I planned, but things have been so damn crazy for me mentally that I just haven't been able to clear my thought right.  I did say in m last blog that something BIG happened and I'd talk about it in this blog.  Well, I guess this is that time for me to talk about it....

So the name of the blog is "Christia" and a lot of people don't know who that is.  I'm not gonna lie, all the way up til November 26th I really didn't either.  On that night, I checked my facebook and saw that I had a message from her.  That message said...

 "hey im ur step sister my mom is renita beavers"

Now let me set this straight, she would be technically my half-sister... not my stepsister. Regardless, when I read that message if felt like times stopped and all I could do is sits there with my mouth wide open.  For those who don't know me like that, my Mother left the house a long time ago and I haven't talked to her in like 14 plus years.  Within those years, my life has had major ups and downs to the point where my school thought I needed psychiatric help.  I was depressed, damn near suicidal, and on the verge of losing my damn mind.  My mother was my best friend... our bond was special, and one that I thought would never be broken.  I know there were things going on in this house that didn't make her happy, but she decided to leave anyways.  I didn't mind her leaving my dad, but she also left my brother and me and didn't keep contact with us at all.  

Anyways...

While she was gone, she became pregnant with my half sister... Christia.  Now I did know about her and I've always wanted to see her, but 1. I always thought her name was "Christina" and 2. If I found her, I knew my mother would be not too far away. Lucky for me, there's a thing called Facebook and it made it easier for HER to find ME.  Ironically, due to other things going on in my head lately, I had deactivated my profile for a while, but I activated it again (lucky me).  She told me that my mother had told her everything about us.  Now when I first hear that, it (kinda) made me smile... but then I started thinking, "What does my mother REALLY know about me now?"  I could be dying of cancer now and she wouldn't even know it... feel me people?  That's ok though; cause all that matter is that I'm FINALLY talking to my sister.  She told me a lot of things that I didn't know about her and I'm not gonna put her personal business out there, but I can say that she's 12 years old and loves Justin Bieber, LMAO! I really look forward to getting to know her better.  I don't know what's gonna happen from here on out, but I'll just pray for the best.  What I DO know is that there's a lot more to come because not only are me, my sister and my mother involved, but my brother is involved as well and things might not go as easy for him cause he was a lot younger when she left.  Knowing how everything effected him is a HUGE reason why I'm still mad about the issue, but I don't want Christia to get tangled up in that mess cause none of it is her fault.  I'll keep all of you guys posted on what happens with us, but I know things won't be ok for a while.  I just gotta pray on this yal.  Stay blessed world... PEACE!

P.S.  Look at that face... she's so beautiful!  :-)